Breastfeeding Brouhaha, cont.–strike next Tues.
Published by Deanna Hoak May 31st, 2006 in blogNext Tuesday I’m going to take part in this strike, deleting my journal and then putting it back up the next day. I know that a lot of you absolutely don’t understand why this is such a big deal to me, and I know that a lot of you don’t agree. This is important to me, though. For months after Blaine’s birth, I was exhausted and stressed and missed incredibly the freedom just to get out of the house–the freedom I didn’t think I could have any of, because nursing was so important to me and I wasn’t comfortable breastfeeding in public.
Ultimately, I got over that fear, and my kids and I were much healthier, emotionally and physically, for it. It took time, though. I did not just take my baby out and immediately start breastfeeding in public. I was very paranoid about it. My grandmother called me a “floozy” for even considering it. No one in my immediate family had ever successfully breastfed, and I had only one friend (thank you, Daniela!) to support and help me. For Blaine’s one-week check-up, I carried a blanket into the doctor’s office. I tried hard to drape it over me and still be able to latch her on–even to the point of putting my own head underneath–and just couldn’t do it. I was so fretful of what people would think, even there in the doctor’s office, but I finally had to just take the blanket off and latch her on. For me, learning to get a baby latched on properly–and you have to see their mouth on the nipple to do it–was really difficult. I persisted, though, in making sure her mouth was very wide open and properly positioned, and I only ever got the tiniest bit sore, and never suffered the cracked or bleeding nipples many other mothers do.
And some people will say that I could have held the baby off, scheduled her, not fed her so often. That’s not recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics, and it never, ever would have worked with me. Mothers differ a lot in how much milk they have available at any one time. I had plenty of milk for my babies–they grew fine–but in order to get it, they had to nurse really often. It was common for me to nurse my infants more than twenty times a day. (For this same reason, I never had much luck pumping my milk, either. I needed to nurse my babies too often to do that, and there was never very much there at one time.) Yes, it was work. I really believed that it was the best thing for them, though. I still do. The formula companies have done an incredible marketing job of phrasing all the medical issues as the “benefits of breastfeeding” when the truth of the matter is that it’s the “risks of formula.” All those statements they’re required to put on formula? That breastfeeding “protects” against ear infections and cancers and gastrointestinal problems, how it “may raise” IQ? Well, breastfeeding is the standard, not formula feeding. The truth is that feeding formula increases the risks of all those medical maladies, and that it can lower your child’s IQ. If formula companies were required to put that on a warning label, as they ought to be, a lot more people would be supportive of breastfeeding.
None of this means that I don’t understand that not every woman can breastfeed exclusively. I couldn’t, with Evan, and I fully blame that fact on his current food allergies. But when he was eight months old, I had a retinal detachment and had to hold my head at a 45-degree angle for six weeks. In addition, I wasn’t allowed to lift anything over five pounds–which definitely included Evan, and even included my hospital-grade breast pump. Try as I wanted to (Blaine never had a drop of formula), I just couldn’t breastfeed him exclusively through that. A few months afterward I had a corneal transplant, and yeah, you also have to be really careful when you have an organ from someone else’s body sewn into yours, too.
After that doctor’s visit, I had several more experiences with trying to hide my nursing in public. Sometimes I would try to go out to my car to nurse. If I was in the middle of shopping or something, though, that was a huge hassle, having to leave my shopping cart, trudge out to the car, nurse, tote the baby back in, and hope my cart was still there. I once dragged a chair into the bathroom of a restaurant and sat there to nurse. I got more go-to-hell looks from the biddies who walked into that bathroom than any other time I’ve nursed anywhere. One woman even expelled her breath sharply and said, “Disgusting!” And not only that, but I missed out on the adult companionship and the “getting away” that I desperately needed at that point. I mean desperately. Being a new mom is tough.
After such a horrid experience, many women would have quit nursing. I didn’t. But I didn’t do anything after that that advertised my breastfeeding. I didn’t use a blanket (what baby wants to be under a blanket, anyway, where she can’t breathe right or look around?!), and I never again nursed in a bathroom. I could latch the baby on quickly by then, and if someone didn’t look my way at the exact moment I was latching her, they really never knew. My shirt draped over her mouth, and though part of my tummy showed (for those at the right angle for seeing it), my breast didn’t. I’m honestly completely certain that besides the waiter (possibly–I’ve had people strike up conversations with me not realizing I was nursing) and the other people at the table, it was rare that anyone else was even aware that I was breastfeeding. Certainly far fewer people were aware than the continuous stream who walked by me in the bathroom that day.
As Blaine got bigger and stronger, she got more adept at latching. She could do it all by herself, and it wasn’t the huge deal that it was in the beginning. With Evan, probably because I was experienced at breastfeeding by then, I never had the struggles with proper latching that I had with Blaine–and I didn’t worry by then about breastfeeding in public, either.
Anyway. I don’t want other moms to go through the initial worry I did, or to feed formula only because of their discomfort with public nursing, and the best way to accomplish that is for breastfeeding to be normalized. LJ’s current policies–which do not allow default icons of breastfeeding if any of the areola shows around the baby’s mouth or against the surrounding skin–work against that process. It ought to be common to see babies nursing, and it sadly isn’t.
This is a long way of explaining why I’ll be deleting my journal for a while, and why I won’t be participating in yours (if you’re on LJ) during that time. If you have anything then that you want me to know, just e-mail.
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I'm a freelance copyeditor specializing in fantasy and science fiction. SF/F novels I have copyedited have been finalists for (and have sometimes won) the Hugo, Nebula, Arthur C. Clarke, Golden Spur, John W. Campbell Memorial, Quill, Locus, Philip K. Dick, British Science Fiction, British Fantasy, and World Fantasy awards. In 2007 I was short-listed for a World Fantasy Award for my copyediting.
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It’s good to take a stand for something that you believe in. Good luck, and welcome back when you return. Remember to back up your entries, for your own personal reference if for nothing else.
I’ll second this–if you’re moving your journal to another blogging host, transfer the entries you want to save first, or if not, just back the ones here up so you can re-post if you want.
In some ways we have gone backwards. People can be crazy. I support what you are doing.
Will you be over at myspace?
I’m with you all the way. Remember when I told you I was breastfeeding in Miami International Airport and someone asked me if I was European, because I had such a casual attitude toward it? All Americans should be casual toward it.
The formula companies also do a psychological number with all their rhetoric about how you should breast feed if you can, but just in case or if you need to supplement … which encourages the notion (at least the way I’ve seen it worded) that at the first sign of trouble, you should just giove up, somehow.
I’ll be around on AIM or e-mail, though I’m swamped this month and will be incredibly busy.
Yeah, I remember how surprised we both were to find that the other was also an adamant breastfeeder. :-)
Yeah. They’ve worked a number on everyone. And it sickens me to see ads for them in pediatricians’ offices, on calendars and such. :-P
Thanks. I’ve created an archive already. Supposedly everything will still be there when we return from this strike, but I guess we’ll see. :-)
Yeah, I haven’t decided what I’m doing yet for the long term. I actually do like a lot about LJ, and I’m hoping they’ll come around on this. It really is a big issue to me, though.
I absolutely support you! And I have had a retinal detachment twice, what a PITA that was with the holding of your head at that awkward andle and such.
Good for you! When I commented the other day, I thought this whole issue was settled, but from a few posts I’ve seen today, it seems to have escalated instead. It’s just stupid, IMO. thier attitude, I mean :-)
My husband and I are TTC right now, and when we have a child, I plan on breastfeeding as long as possible. My mom breastfed twins while donating milk to LLL, so she always advocated it to her daughters. I really can’t imagine not wanting to do this most natural of things, or having to hide it when I do.
Hopefully I’ll see you back here soon. If not, I assume you’ll be letting people know where you’ve gone?
It may be silly, but it struck me funny when I saw this icon on another LJ so I stole it and made it my default, kind of in support of what you and others are doing. I’d hate to see you leave LJ because it’s so convenient for me to read your journal here, but if that’s where this strike takes you (after all, money talks), I support that too.
My friend, who works in the medical industry (though she’s not herself an MD) is adamantly against breastfeeding, saying it’s all poppycock, and I don’t get why. We Americans really need to lighten up about things.
I don’t get why people are doing the strike. It isn’t clear at all from the posting you linked to. What exactly are people upset about? And what does breastfeeding have to do with Live Journal? Sorry, but I’ve been scouring the web and find nothing that explains this.
Yeah, not fun at all. They lasered me up so thoroughly that I don’t see how I could possibly have another. Did they not do that to you, or does it not work? Oh, or did you perhaps have the detachments in different eyes? That would be scary….
Sorry. Here’s a press release that explains it further.
Basically, LJ won’t allow default icons depicting breastfeeding if any of the areola shows around the baby’s mouth or against the surrounding skin, even though laws protecting breastfeeding specifically mention that breastfeeding is legal and not indecent even if the nipple or areola show incidental to or during breastfeeding.
Do they give any explanation for this? Have they SEEN some of the stuff posted on the BDSM communities? Good Lord! That’s juvenile.
Well, what’s really infuriating is that the whole mess got started by a troll who got pissed because someone complained that his picture of a bare-breasted woman with twirling pasties over her nipples was obscene. He started opening up complaints against moms who were using default breastfeeding icons because he was upset that he couldn’t use his tacky icon. Those women were threatened with suspension, even though LJ’s policy noted that default icons only couldn’t be “graphically sexual or violent in nature.” That upset the hell out of us, calling breastfeeding “graphically sexual.” Then, LJ changed the FAQ to match their prejudice, and started threatening the breastfeeding moms with suspension if any areola showed on their default icons. :-P It’s all ignorance on their part.
I’m really waiting to see what LJ will do. For now, I’ll be undeleting my journal after the strike and will still be around.
And wow, your mom is amazing, nursing twins and still donating milk! When I lived in San Antonio, I did some volunteer work for the Mother’s Milk Bank in Austin, but I sadly never donated any milk.
I think breast feeding is one of the best things moms can do for their babies.
And I’m ecstatic that you used areola and not aureola/aureole.
Thank you. :-)
And, yeah, I’ve corrected that mistake a fair amount….:-)
I wasn’t breastfed, and don’t think it did me any harm, but it’s still something I’d want to do, if I had kids.
I tend mostly to think of it as a personal decision. I don’t think not breastfeeding is horrible or wrong, but I also don’t like the subtle pressure to give up on breastfeeding a bit too soon for those whom otherwise might enjoy and prefer doing so.
And I also think lj’s take on the issue is pretty vile.
No, I wasn’t breastfed either–but I definitely wish that I had been.
Thanks for sharing your story, and for taking a stand on this. It’s inconcievable that people have made breastfeeding sexual, and sad that so many choose not even to try.
Yeah, it seems incredible, doesn’t it? There is a picture of her nursing both of us at the same time. I don’t know how she did it, but I hope I’m half that successful when I have my children. She told me she also nursed another baby one time, a boy whose mom wasn’t producing milk, and he had trouble with a bottle. She said it was a VERY strange feeling.
My sister breastfed all 3 of her children, but only for 3-4 months as she had to go back to work. I’m hoping to stay home with my kids and be able to breastfeed them for at least a year.
I look forward to seeing you back here after the strike.
Fight the good fight!
I’ve been a bit behind in reading journals, so just got a chance to read through all of this. I’m proud of you for doing what you feel strongly about. Good for you!
And if there is a poster child for no formula and all breastfeeding, Blaine is it!!!